Asking Eric: My brother drinks all day long and doesn’t see the problem

Dear Eric: My younger brother “Mick” has been a heavy beer drinker for at least three decades with a high-stress career.

When he retired, his drinking escalated. He received a DUI which resulted in court-ordered mandatory visits at a local AA meeting for one year. The court also had a blow-and-go breathalyzer installed in his truck for three years.

Now he stays isolated in his trailer and drinks from sunup to sundown. And he’s very sensitive to people commenting on his drinking. He doesn’t see the problem.

Two years ago, he started calling me. At first the calls were spaced out every other month, but they came in the early evening when he was soused, so conversation was challenging.

Now the calls are nearly every day, sometimes two or three times a day. It seems that I am his only social outlet and I’m ready to scream. I put the phone on speaker because these calls last for two to three hours. He drones on with memories of his career, his challenges as a supervisor, family drama. I can hear him popping open beer cans every 15 to 20 minutes.

The only boundaries I’ve set are not to answer if I’m driving or running errands. I also don’t answer if it’s past 8 p.m. (my time). Last week his first call came in at 7 a.m.

Can you think of other boundaries that I could use?

– Ready to Scream

Dear Ready: Why yes, I most certainly can. Decide when you can handle a phone call and for how long and tell him that’s his designated time. Perhaps it’s once a week for 15 minutes. It’s fine to set a timer, even. When it’s not one of the designated times, consider having your phone silence any calls you get from him.

When you tell him the new schedule, you can also be honest with him about how the calls are affecting you and the concerning behavior you’ve noticed. He needs to hear the truth.

My heart goes out to Mick, who is in the grips of addiction. I’m sorry that AA didn’t work for him when it was mandated. I hope that he’ll give it or SMART Recovery or another method for treating addiction a try. He’s sensitive about comments because, despite his protests, he knows there’s a problem. It’s clearly negatively affecting his life

And these phone calls are negatively affecting your life. He may think they’re innocuous, even friendly, but the incessant, one-sided nature makes them seem more like a part of his addiction. He’s refusing to see the way his behavior impacts others. It’s best for you and for Mick if you put an end to it.