CLEVELAND, Oh – Dear Ask Yadi: My partner leaves clothes, shoes, mugs, and random items scattered all over the house. I know it seems minor, but it drives me a little crazy. I don’t want to nag constantly, but I also don’t want to live in perpetual clutter.
How do you gently encourage tidiness without creating tension or resentment? Is compromise possible in shared living spaces without one person feeling like a maid or the other like a tyrant?
I want our home to feel peaceful and welcoming, not like a battleground of socks and water bottles. Surely there’s a way to balance relaxed living with a little organization — preferably without creating nightly arguments over stray T-shirts.
ANSWER: Sometimes adults need ‘chores’ even if those include cleaning up after themselves. It’s tiring to nag and constantly asking someone to pick up the things they casually leave behind…on the floor, on the furniture etc.
You’ve stated that you don’t want to nag, but have you addressed the situation calmly? If you are always cleaning up, your partner may not realize how much it bothers you. Be sure that they are aware that while you have been cleaning up after them, you are ready to pass that responsibility to them.
I would suggest making sure that there are hooks, baskets, and racks available. If there are places to put or hang things, they may be more prone to use them.
If splitting household responsibilities doesn’t work and you can’t stand the clutter, then you are going to be picking up all of the things that are left lying around. If your partner has an office or designated room, how about putting a basket inside it. This way, every time you pick up something you can just deposit it into the basket and close the door. Leave it up to your partner to sort through it when they want.
You can also put it all in a bag or box and put it in the garage or basement. Your partner may not even notice some of the things they’ve left behind. At the end of the month, donate it.
They may also just expect that you are going to clean up after them. Once you stop doing it they may realize that they will have to do it themselves.
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s respect. A home should feel comfortable for both of you, and that starts with acknowledging how shared spaces affect each other. With clear communication, reasonable boundaries, and a little patience, clutter doesn’t have to turn into conflict.
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Do you have a question or an etiquette predicament that you want advice on? Send me an “Ask Yadi” email at [email protected]
